Lisa's Story
I had Eli in March. I always knew I would breastfeed, and was extremely partisan on the issue before he was born. However, by the time he was 5 days old, he was dehydrated, had very few pees and no poops at all. I put him on formula on the advice of Dr. and lactation consultant, and started sessions with the consultant. I did everything she recommended, including what I call the boob-tube stimulation. I nursed all day, every day, and when I wasn't nursing I pumped. My production went up very, very gradually. Even tho' the LC taught me how to correctly latch Eli to my breast, he still wasn't getting enough. By the time I could pump between 1-2 ounces at a sitting, MUCH better than what i was originally getting, Eli was growing tired of the struggle and insisted on the bottle. Then when he was 2 months old we moved from NYC to Maine and in with my parents. (We built our home this year; it's nearing completion.) With all the chaos of moving into the unfinished addition my folks built for us on their house, coupled with feeling uncomfortable with nursing in front of my dad, the amount I nursed went way down until it was just morning and night. That went on for 7 months, when I just stopped. At that point, nursing was more for me than for Eli. There's much more detail that I've left out. I have a deep sense of resentment toward the breastfeeding community, tho' I had a wonderful lactation consultant. I don't understand why there isn't just blanket acknowledgment that low production EXISTS, it's a problem and it isn't the fault of the mothers. I went through hell when I realized I had low production. I cried and cried. And when Eli finally rejected the breast, I was angry at him. How crazy! I definitely felt inadequate as a mother, and there was nothing out there telling me I was wrong. Then, on top of all that, we'd have incidents like at one health-food cafe -- we sat with our big old can of Enfamil on our table and another couple tried to educate us on the benefits of breastfeeding. I could have slapped them silly.
I want to try again with our next child (as yet unconceived :)) I'm scared. I want it to succeed. We'll be in our own house, and our lives much more settled than last time. And I recently had an idea to check out hypnotherapy, to see if that would help at all. I'm willing to work very hard at it again. But I'm afraid of disappointment all over again. My feeling is that the breastfeeding community has so far failed mothers who have had trouble. How can we help women who have had difficulty, without letting them think they have done something terribly wrong to have such trouble with something so simple and natural?
I want to try again with our next child (as yet unconceived :)) I'm scared. I want it to succeed. We'll be in our own house, and our lives much more settled than last time. And I recently had an idea to check out hypnotherapy, to see if that would help at all. I'm willing to work very hard at it again. But I'm afraid of disappointment all over again. My feeling is that the breastfeeding community has so far failed mothers who have had trouble. How can we help women who have had difficulty, without letting them think they have done something terribly wrong to have such trouble with something so simple and natural?
