As I stand in the shower this morning

I notice the many water droplets run down the side of the shower curtain

So many water droplets

Like so many tears

Tears I have shed and shed now under the running water

Running water washing the tears away

Gone, like the relationship I mourn

A bond between mother and child

I cannot have

A bond so natural, so normal

Its driven into every fiber of your being

Your soul, your mind, your body

You long to connect in such a way

A way that only a mother and child can

Through the breast and the body

An immense effort I gave to this

This journey at the start of motherhood

Only to find that I was physically unable

And so I mourn the loss

The loss of something I only barely got a glimpse of

But felt in my heart and longed for in my soul

The sadness overwhelms me

Overwhelms me like the water washes over me now